Plumb Skulls
by JH Sounds
Summary: A one-shot deal featuring a more mature Super Mario Bros. which may or may not expand into a larger story, depending on how well it is received.


**PLUMB SKULLS**

It was just another job.

"So let me get this straight," said Luigi. "The toilets swirl the _other_ way around down there?"

"Oh yeah," spoke Mario. "The Isle Delfino is located on the southern hemisphere. Since the planet rotates in one specific direction, the water moves like this." he motioned his finger in a small circle.

The Mario brothers' truck bounced along the line, carrying an assortment of pipe-clearing utensils dating back to the early eighties. Their equipment may have been old, but their spirit was a strong as the tunnels they had lain throughout their city.

"So, which way is... better?" Luigi asked.

"Er, what do you mean?"

"Well... y'know, which direction does the 'job' better?"

Mario seemed to be confused. "I really dunno. Never really thought of that, actually."

"Well, you should. Oh, and while were on the subject what was it that happened to that little water squirter when you were held at the Isle, anyway?"

"Ah, you mean Fludd? That thing was confiscated at the airport before I got back. Just when I was getting the hang of it, too..." He looked to the back of the truck. "That reminds me do you know anyone by the name of E. Gadd? Maybe he can build a new one for me."

"Actually I " said Luigi before the vehicle stopped. "Oh, are we here already? Let's go."

The promptly hopped out and walked to the truck's rear doors. Taking a breath, Mario pulled open the left side, letting the aged tools take over them.

"We should have Starmen for this type of deal," said Luigi. "I mean, did you hear the lady over the phone? Those have got to be spiny turtles in her system."

"Calm down," said Mario, reaching for his plunger. "Straighten up, now. This is strictly procedure."

"Yeah man, whatever."

The plumbers had made it to the 16th floor, stepping off the elevator. Walking down the hall, Mario tugged on the straps of his denim coveralls. "Like I said, we've dealt with spiny-shelled turtles before."

"Not diamond-tipped ones," said Luigi, "and that was before they adapted to the effect of POW blocks."

Mario grabbed his shoulder just as the were reaching room 604. "Look at this." He put a fist into his front pocket and revealed a telescopic iron mallet. "This mother still does them in." He swung it around briskly for show. "That's all we need."

"Will I ever get one of those thingies?"

"Yes. When you grow up."

The two arrived at the apartment door. "Okay now. Let's get into character." They cleared their throats and knocked.

A short, elderly lady with extremely large glasses answered. "Hello?"

"It's a-me!" Mario began.

"It's a-me, too!" added Luigi.

"Oh my," said the woman, surprised. "You're both so much taller than the picture in the phone book! Please, come in!"

"Don't a-mind if we do," said Luigi, stepping around what looked vaguely similar to a small cat, except that it was dead.

"Never mind Nip-Nip," spoke the lady. "Just a little tired today. My, you men sure are speedy!"

"Right!" said Mario in an unusually high voice. "They no call us a-super for nothing!"

Luigi frowned slightly under his cheery facade, eyeing his brother.

The lady smiled. "Well, I suppose you'll be wanting to get to work, eh?"

"'Kay," said Luigi.

Soon enough, they approached the toilet. "This-a the one?" asked Mario.

"Yes." She tilted the handle. "The water doesn't seem to go down. See?"

"We can handle this," Luigi assured. "Now, if you would a-kindly step out of the room, we can begin." He pulled out a plunger. "It's a-going to get messy."

Nearly tripping on her robe, the aging woman ran out of the bathroom as quickly as her fur slippers could take her.

Luigi swiftly locked the door. "So, I suspect you've come to the same conclusion as I have?"

Mario put on his water tight goggles. "Yep," he answered, looking into the bowl. "We're going in."

Deep in the dark, creepy sub-world, an army of spinies congregated. The dankness provided the perfect atmosphere for the turtles' caucus.

"I think we're safe this time," one of them began. "There's just an old lady up there."

"How do you know the mammals won't come?" asked another.

"Our scouts cut the phone line hours ago," the first one insisted.

"But doesn't she have a second line?"

"Uh, I don't think " His voice ended with the swift blow of a hammer.

"Crap!" said the other Spiny. "Something's coming down the plumbing! Run!"

By then Luigi had plopped down beside him. "Let's a-go!" he roared. He had taken it by surprise and flipped it over with his bare hands. "Meh, who needs POW blocks?"

Far above, the old lady held her ear closely to the bathroom door, searching perhaps for signs of good workmanship and duties being fufilled. These were traits her husband once admired, and it wasn't like her to forget his ways.

SLOSH. The sound of disturbed plumbing.

KLONK. A pipe being re-fitted?

THUMP. Thump? She hadn't heard _that_ before

At that moment the wooden door came flying off it's hinges, revealing the Mario Brothers, drenched in water, clutching the remains of a turtle shell.

"Whoo!" said Luigi. "Just like in them good old days, huh?"

Mario didn't respond.

"What is it?" he said, and then turned to the direction of the problem.

The frail lady lay on her stomach, underneath the broken door, flattened.

Luigi yanked at his collar. "Whoops." He lifted the door off of her."Maybe we should call an ambulance?" He shrugged his shoulders.

"Nah, I don't think it's _that_ serious," said Mario. "We just need to do a little CPR."

"What's that?"

"I dunno. I just know we need to do it."

As the plumbers pondered their dilemma, a short, elderly man with a bent posture and enormous glasses walked down the hallway to room 604. Finally back home after seven years of toiling and experimenting, the scientist known as Elvin Elizabeth Gadd, by the looks of it, suddenly seemed to remember that he had a wife.

So, by all reasonable logic, seeing two strange men shoving a plunger onto his loved one's mouth was bound to be doubly astounding.

It was.

It was one of the most embarrasing moments in Mario and Luigi's lives.

It was a three-month trial.

It was a tarnished reputation.

_But_...

It was just another job.

**END**


End file.
